Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.

Fav 7 5688 1451
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(905): View more from Ontario

I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward

Fav 18 1670 827
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(253): View more from Washington

I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.

Fav 10 837 1201
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(772): View more from Florida

The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person

Fav 1 1253 810
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(330): View more from Ohio

Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7

Fav 4 1297 1253
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.

Fav 0 873 588
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(713): View more from Texas

Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.

Fav 3 486 125
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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?

Fav 0 28 19
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