i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
