im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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