Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
