Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
