You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
