Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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