HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
