I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
