at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
