So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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