Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
