quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
