so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
