I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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