The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
