if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
