We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
