I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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