you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
