I'm going to jail i love you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
