I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
