we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
