also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
