I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
