Where did you get a picture of my penis
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
