so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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