I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
