Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
