i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
