You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
