It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
