ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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