My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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