No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
