i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
