i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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