if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she peed on how many people?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
