he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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