she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
