Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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