life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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