Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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