My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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