Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
