its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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