3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
