Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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