I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
