Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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