The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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