I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
time to smoke my breakfast
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
